What did you eat today? did you try that new recipe that you said you should? or did you go with tacos again. tacos? ah..ok.. Did you drink. Did you open that cold one cause it’s that time of day of week of month? To crack a cold one with the boys. Did you watch the white foam froth up from the lid as it does and let that first taste dribble down your chin with an exalting sigh? if that aint living I don't know what is. Did you young man? Punch your liver in the guts just to not have to face your feelings again? Did you numb your mind to the thoughts that keep a wake? Drown out the fears of dying like an old man alone in a boat out at sea. Blind your eyes to the progress of your goal. Disappointment is easier to take, when you leave your conscience at the door. Crack another cold one my boy and try to get to that goal.
There isn't anyone here. It’s just you and purple walls and 2 beers plus two more equal 4. You haven't been writing my dear boy. Why is that? have you forgotten what you had to say? Did you give up and grow old? Do you remember where the heat and the heart and the madness grows? did that lump on your head finally bleed out on the brain and leave you as just another sailor out to sea? Or did she just go and get married and pregnant and so far from you, you can't even remember if it was real. Was she real? Entropy always increases. A systems energy always increases. the only constant is change. There are no more big games, it’s just an endless tunnel of monthly payments and working harder and harder and hoping your stocks come in. Hoping that you can retire and watch your..kids? grow. wait. There isn’t a river here, it’s an ocean, and its encompassing everything. And I’m not sure how the purple walls fit in here. And the 2 and the 2 and the 4 and they are here too. But nothing else. Constant. chaos. Disassociation at a level not seen before. If you keep daydreaming, they will start to notice. You haven't had your head in the game in years. You are a lifeboat sailor flying to nowhere, and the rain has fallen practically every fucking day since you stopped caring. You just show up and go home, back to purple walls and purple dreams. And you don't have to try and because you don't try you are ok with losing. I mean you didn't try right...losing is obvious. it’s as obvious as that 2+2 thing we keep bringing back up. O boy my man here we are right? right in the thick of it. Exactly what you wanted. You wanted peace and quiet. so, everyone left you alone. And went about their own damn lives and living and you are like ok I ready for this Time OUT to end. but that’s the whole point. You can take a time out. But you can't choose when to get back in the game.
So young man, we are still here. A weird eclectic combination of our past regrets and hopes for the future. A concoction of good and bad memories lighting the path forward to ends unknown. But tis getting late and the light will be up again soon, and all the stories worth telling happened with the lights on, and the heartbeat thumping along at this chaotic rhythm. How many days has it been now? 3 months without a drink. A laughingstock for sure, but I guess recording that kind of makes it sound like a problem. It’s not a problem, it’s just a lifestyle change. Oh, I see... I thought this was a soliloquy and not a dialog? but I digress. It’s about bringing out your real guts. Stepping into the ring with a clear head for a change. Remembering every detail. Like you did back then. Before you started down the well. The night you took up the pen cause your thoughts were racing so hard through your mind you could not hold on to your sanity. So long from that moment where a torrent flow of thoughts that couldn't be controlled...became now controlled in the light. With no substances to aid. It’s just maturity? isn't it. Realizing what matters. who matters. and why the rest should or shouldn't matter. That’s the human conscious at its finest. Deciding good. Deciding bad. basement foundational premise there kid! nearly perfect I must say. nearly 2+2=4 good. Well done! Clap! want a beer to celebrate? you deserve it... aww forget it you will get here eventually. And when you do, we will sort it all out.
Alright. kid. I gotta go now. so, take it easy. and I'll see you soon.